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Shoot 'Em Up [2007, USA - English]

OK I don't usually review full-on action films but I just needed to write one for Shoot 'Em Up. When your resume's most popular item reads Monster Man (2003 starring Eric Jungmann), you know directors like Michael Davis has only so much to offer. And hence, another why-even-bother film makes its way to the big screens to torture our eyes and insult our intelligence. It's pretty easy to deduce, when you can't make a decent horror movie, you make a comedy-horror (Monster Man); and when you know you will fail in coming up with a watchable action flick, you make a comedy-action (Shoot 'Em Up). I still find it hard to believe that a credible ensemble like Clive Owen, Paul Giamatti and Monica Bellucci can exist in a wretched quality film like this.

Owen stars as Smith, a drifter who can't stop chewing on carrots like Bugs Bunny, and ends up saving the life of a baby named Oliver from being hunted by a group of hitmen led by Karl Hertz (Giamatti). As Smith dashes through a series of jaw-dropping stunts where "villains shoot a thousand times but miss and hero shoots once it's bullseye", he soon realises the hunt for baby Oliver is ridiculously tied to a politic scandal. In order to salvage the film with some eye-candy, the plot will also include Smith attempting to hide the baby with a lactating prostitute named Donna (Bellucci). 

I promised myself that I will not waste more than twenty minutes to review this film, so suffice to say, it's basically action choreographed for a 9 year old, plot written for a 12 year old, and a patience challenge for a saint. Call it a black comedy or a comedy-action all you want, garbage is still garbage. The producer claims that the film is intended to poke fun at the Americans obsession with guns, breasts and violence; but the only people I'm laughing at are those who actually made this film. If you ever wonder how many ways you can use carrots to kill people, this is a must watch.

Rating : No Rating [let's not even insult my rating E]

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